


Let Me Turn to Dust

by Aerex35



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Tony Stark, Internalized Transphobia, Kinda, M/M, Misgendering, Past Character Death, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Reluctant Misgendering, Suicidal Thoughts, Time Travel, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trans Character, Trans Peter Parker, Transphobia, and when i say hurt i mean hurt, deadnaming, not team Cap friendly, the comfort comes far later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-12 12:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15995036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerex35/pseuds/Aerex35
Summary: Tony Stark had been through a lot since he had become Iron Man, but one thing that kept him going was the promise that the past was in the past and that he would never have to go through any of it again.So when he finds himself back in the cave in Afghanistan with a magnet in his chest, he knows he's not going to survive this time.





	1. Back Here Again

**Author's Note:**

> I hear you all shouting: ALEX NO! YOU ALREADY HAVE A WIP!  
> I know, I know. I'm sorry. I've had this idea in my head for a long time though. I have the second chapter almost done so it should be up soon but don't expect this to update quickly.  
> ***A FEW IMPORTANT THINGS***:  
> I know that Iron Man 1 came out in 2008. Because of timeline inconsistencies, it has been retconned to take place in 2010, and Iron Man 2 in 2011. This is, as far as I know, the new canonical dates of those movies.  
> Peter Parker is a main character in this, but I had to get the first chapter done to establish things before he could be (re)introduced. It will make sense, I promise. He is also transgender, and it will play a big part in the story after this chapter, hence the tags. It's not the main focus of the story, but Trans!Peter is important to me, and therefore important to the story.  
> Finally, I tried to make sure that this made sense to people who haven't memorized every single Marvel film like I have, but not be too repetitive of the movies that it becomes boring. It will move so far away from canon that this won't be a problem eventually, but for now, maybe check out the wiki pages and refresh your memory if things aren't making sense.

“I’m sorry.”

 

Those were the last words Tony Stark would ever hear Peter Parker say. The kid, who he had promised to keep safe, who meant the world to him, had faded to dust as Tony tried to hold on to him, as if holding onto the kid would keep the universe from taking him away.

 

But it didn’t work.

 

The pain of being stabbed by Thanos was nothing compared to the absolute agony Tony felt now.

 

His hands were coated in dust, the only remains of a child who shouldn’t have even been there. He should have been back on Earth, back where he was safe, but he hadn’t listened. Tony let him stay.

 

And Tony let him die.

 

He screamed silently at the cruelty of it all. He begged the universe to realize its mistake and reverse it. It couldn’t take Peter. Not him. Anyone but him. Peter was too kind, too young, too innocent. He shouldn’t have been taken.

 

_ No, have me instead, _ Tony begged.  _ Give him back, and take me. Please. I’ll do anything. Just give him back. Please. Take me, take me, take me. Let me turn to dust. _

 

The universe didn’t listen.

 

He had no idea how long he sat there, sobbing into his hands until he couldn’t form any more tears, holding himself and shaking, blocking out the rest of existence. What was it, to exist when Peter was gone? Tony didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to be here when the kid was gone. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be gone.  _ Please let me be gone... _

 

Of course, that was the part that the universe listened to.

 

If Tony hadn’t been drowning in pain, he might have noticed what was happening to him. But he didn’t.

 

All he knew was that there was a sudden flash of green light, and then darkness.

 

\---

 

There was a bag pulled off of his head. Words were spoken in a language Tony didn’t recognize, or maybe he did? Either way, his brain couldn’t process what he was hearing. He couldn’t see, either, since the lights were blinding.

 

This wasn’t heaven. It was far too painful to be heaven. Besides, Tony was certain that when he died, heaven was the last place he would ever end up.

 

No, something about this was far too familiar. As his eyes adjusted, he realized that he recognized his surroundings, and he had to close his eyes out of shock. He let himself drift back out of consciousness because what he’d seen  _ shouldn’t be possible. _

 

But the next time he was awake, with his head being shoved into a barrel of water, he found it harder to deny it.

 

When he finally regained consciousness fully, he knew where he was. He didn’t want to know, but there was no point in sheltering himself from the truth.

 

He was back in the cave in Afghanistan.

 

\---

 

The first day or two, Tony tried to convince himself that it was a PTSD flashback. He had those from time to time. The logical part of his mind told him that this was different, even though he couldn’t figure out how it was possible.

 

Every day was a living nightmare. Not only had Tony forgotten how awful having a toxic magnet in his chest had been, but the only thing he could think about was Peter. He forced the pain down, knowing that if he didn’t it would just lead to his and Yinsen’s deaths, something that he was working hard to avoid. Seeing Yinsen again had given him a sort of grief-fueled determination that he would be completely lacking otherwise. It was what kept him from giving up and letting go of life. All he could feel was numbness. How would he ever be able to feel anything again, aside from numbness and pain?  
  


Building the suit to escape became a task that he focused 100% of his energy on at all times, even ignoring the need for sleep, because he knew that if he stopped, even for a moment, he would never be able to keep going. No, if he stopped, he would fall into full mourning, and then Yinsen wouldn’t be the only one dead this time around.

 

“Yinsen, you had a family, right?” Tony knew the answer.

 

“Yes. I… I did, yes.”

 

“They… are they gone?” He tried to ask as gently as possible. This time around, he shared Yinsen’s pain. He understood, even if he forced himself to not focus on it.

 

The reply came so quietly that Tony could barely hear it, but he already knew that the answer was yes.

 

“They would… want you to make it out. What you did for me, with the shrapnel… you saved my life. I know that they would want you to live and help save others. People whose lives have far more value than mine.”

 

“You think so?” There was no comment about the worth of Tony’s life.

 

He nodded. He had to convince Yinsen to not sacrifice himself because he didn’t know if he could bear losing anyone else, especially for a second time.

 

“And what about you, Stark? Do you have a family?”

 

Once upon a time, he had said no. But this Tony Stark, one who had a decade of experience that the old Tony didn’t, one who knew better, said yes.

 

His answer seemed to surprise Yinsen. “And what would you do, Stark, if you lost them? Family can’t be replaced.” Yinsen placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t let anything happen to yours.”

 

Tony thought about Howard and Maria. He had lost his family ages ago. And then the Avengers, they were his family once, right? But they had left him, too. But then, he finally found his true family. Pepper, and Rhodey, and Happy, and…

 

Peter.

 

Dammit, Tony couldn’t let himself think about that now. He had to focus.

 

_ Focus on getting Yinsen out alive. Then you can think about Peter. _

 

He went back to building.

 

\---

 

The day they finished the Mark I suit, Tony spoke to Yinsen again, surprising the other man as he had become accustomed to Tony’s usual silence. Talking was hard when all he wanted to say was Peter’s name.

 

“I know you would rather sacrifice yourself, so that I can make it out and you can be with your family again.” Yinsen seemed shocked that Tony knew this. “But Yinsen, the world could use your talents. You can come to America with me, I can set you up with everything you need, and you can help change the world. If you’re smart enough to be able to save my life in a cave, you’re smart enough to change humanity, and you’ll have access to some of the most high tech labs in the world to help you with that.” He looked Yinsen directly in the eyes, trying to get his desperation across. “Please. You don’t have to be a hero now. Be one later. Improve the lives of millions.”

 

After several moments that stretched out into eternity, Yinsen broke eye contact and bowed his head. “...Okay. I will attempt to escape with you. You’re right, they would want this.”

 

Tony almost cried with relief. “Alright, come help me get in the suit.”

 

\---

 

Escaping was easier the second time. He had Yinsen stay behind him so that Tony would be shot at instead. They managed to make it out with relative ease, or maybe it was just because Tony was used to far more difficult tasks. Soon enough they were at the entrance and Tony wasted no time in setting the place ablaze and grabbing on to Yinsen. He flew them both out and managed to actually land instead of crash.

 

Yinsen let out a cry of joy and relief when they hit the sand, but Tony just felt numb. It was all he felt anymore whenever he wasn’t in pain. He was sick of it.

 

Taking off the armor, he had Yinsen help him carry it. He couldn’t risk Obadiah finding it this time.

 

_ Shit, Obadiah. _ Tony hadn’t thought about him in so long.

 

Everything he had been through.  _ Everything. _ All the pain, all the betrayal, all the loss and the mistakes and the failures. It was finally hitting him that he had to suffer through all of it again.

 

He knew he wasn’t going to be able to survive it all a second time.

 

He found himself staring up at the sky, not because he was looking for the helicopter to rescue them, but because he was once again wishing that he had turned to dust.

 

\---

 

When he found himself once again in Rhodey’s arms, he finally broke. He was safe, Yinsen was safe this time too, and so he finally let all the things he had been forcing down just so that they could survive come spilling out. Hot, burning tears slipped down his cheeks. His body shook with his sobs.

 

_ Peter, _ he wanted to say.  _ I let Peter die. _

 

The rational part of his brain knew that Peter was still alive now, but that didn’t mean that Tony hadn’t still caused his death. That he had been unable to save him.

 

_ “I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go! Mr. Stark, please…” _

 

“Come on, Tony, let’s get you on the ship,” Rhodey said, helping him to his feet. Tony wasn’t someone who was comfortable with a lot of physical contact, well, at least until… until after Siberia. But the Tony from this time would never be comfortable with holding on to Rhodey as much as he was, and Tony knew it. When they got on the plane and Tony made sure every piece of the armor was with them, he sat down next to Rhodey, who said, “Damn, things must have really been terrible over there.”

 

Tony couldn’t say anything, so he just nodded.

 

“Look, man. You aren’t going to be able to recover from this in a day. You’ll have to give yourself time to heal, okay?” Rhodey lowered his voice as medics came over to examine Yinsen. “I know you like to pretend that you’re invincible, but nobody in their right mind would expect you to be okay after this. I can try to keep the press away as much as possible for a while but if they see you like this there won’t be any judgement, okay? And if there is, screw them, they have no idea what you went through.”

 

Tony knew that Rhodey was trying to help and he appreciated it, but he had no idea what Tony was actually feeling, why he was hurt. How could he?

 

\---

_ “Tony, who’s this kid?” Rhodey had asked. He had stopped by the compound while Peter was there for training. _

 

_ “Uh…?” Tony didn’t know if Peter wanted Rhodey to know his identity or not. _

 

_ He was staring, his eyes wide. “You’re… you’re Colonel James Rhodes, right?” _

 

_ Tony laughed a little. “Seriously, you’re going all starstruck on me because of  _ Rhodey _?” _

 

_ “But he’s War Machine! He’s- he’s an Avenger!” _

 

_ “Yeah, so am I! I don’t see you freaking out every time I’m in the same room as you!” Tony retorted. _

 

_ Rhodey smiled. “You must be Spider-Man.” _

 

_ “Oh,” Peter looked as shocked as Tony felt, “You know?” _

 

_ “It wasn’t that hard to figure out, kid. So I guess I have to thank you now,” he said, and Tony had no idea what he was talking about. _

 

_ “For what?” Peter asked. _

 

_ Rhodey put a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “For keeping him out of trouble while I’ve been away.” _

 

_ Peter flushed with embarrassment. “He doesn’t need me to keep him out of trouble. Actually, I’ve been the one getting into trouble and he’s had to save me a couple of times.” _

 

_ “Are you sure he didn’t pay you to say that because that doesn’t sound like the Tony I know,” Rhodes said and Tony pushed his arm off of his shoulders. _

 

_ “I didn’t pay him anything.” _

 

_ “You did make me the suit, though,” Peter added. _

 

_ “Yeah, and that’s because you would have gotten yourself killed without it.” _

 

_ Rhodey was smiling. “Okay, kid. I like you but you gotta tell me your secret. The only other person in the world who can make Tony act like this is Pepper.” _

 

_ “Wh- There’s no secret, Mr. Colonel Rhodes sir. How am I making him act?” Peter asked. _

 

_ Rhodey shook his head and grinned. “Well, if you can get Tony to like you then you must be a good kid. Hey, have you ever heard any stories about dumb shit he did in college?” _

 

_ “No-” _

 

_ “Don’t swear in front of my kid.” _

 

_ Rhodey turned and stared at Tony. “Your kid? Wow, you really did break him, Spider-Man.” _

 

_ Peter smiled shyly. “Uh, my name’s Peter.” _

 

_ “Alright Peter,” Rhodey said, “Wanna hear some stories?” _

 

_ “Uh, sure!” _

 

_ “No,” Tony said, “You are not ruining my reputation.” _

 

_ “What reputation?” Rhodey asked, and Peter laughed. _

 

_ Tony shook his head. “I’ve been betrayed.” _

 

_ “Don’t worry, Mr. Stark, you’re still my favorite Avenger,” Peter told him. _

 

_ “I better be or I’m sending you home.” _

 

_ Now Rhodey laughed. “I can’t believe my best friend actually adopted a kid.” _

 

_ “I didn’t adopt him!” _

 

_ “Sure.” _

 

_ \--- _

 

This Rhodey knew about none of that. The Rhodey that was sitting with him didn’t know Peter, and maybe never would. He had no idea what he was missing. Maybe that was a good thing, though. Rhodey would never have to experience the pain Tony felt.

 

Tony made sure that they got Yinsen fixed up before letting the  doctors anywhere near him. He was so used to pain at that point that he barely registered his burns and cuts. Yinsen was more important than he was, anyways.

 

“That’s good, thank you,” he heard Yinsen say, and the equipment was brought over to Tony. He wanted to force them away, he wanted to be alone, he wanted to sleep and never wake up and fade into nothingness. He wanted to hold Peter and tell him how important he was to him and the rest of the world without fearing that the kid would turn to dust. He wanted to apologize for putting him in danger and letting him die. He wanted anything else.

 

The pain was… different. It wasn’t like the numbness that he had felt in the cave, but it wasn’t as sharp or fresh. It was more like a deep ache, one that felt like it would never heal. Tony thought of how, after years of injuring his left arm and not letting it heal properly, he always got pains and how it would shake sometimes. This was like that, but… at the same time, it was something far worse. His arm was something that he had almost always been able to ignore. In fact, the was his arm was now, without the years of injury and abuse, felt… wrong. But the ache he felt now was one that he would never be able to ignore. It would be a constant reminder, every day, of what he had lost.

 

How he had failed.

 

Tears. Shit, he wanted to be alone. Rhodey had already seen him cry earlier. But at the same time… part of him didn’t care. Did anything even matter anymore? He had to relive everything over again. The only reason why he didn’t give up is because of how many lives would be gone if he hadn’t been there to save them.

 

“Tones, you alright?” Rhodey asked.

 

Tony sniffed and held things back. “Yeah, I’m just… just tired”

 

\---

 

There was no teasing Pepper. Her smile faded quickly when she saw Tony’s face. He wanted nothing more than to be alone with her, safe in her arms, but this Pepper was different from the Pepper he’d left behind. He was her boss and she was his assistant. There was romantic tension between them already but if he did anything now… there was no telling how she’d react to it.

 

“Oh god…” Pepper almost whispered.

 

There were a billion things he could have said in response to that.  _ What, do I really look so much worse than you remember? I’m not god but close enough. My name is Tony but I know it’s hard to get mixed up. Wow, Afghanistan must have improved my looks. _ But he didn’t feel like saying any of those. He didn’t feel like saying anything at all, so he just settled for “Yeah… hey. I’m back.”

 

She shook her head. “I can’t- I don’t even know what to say, I-”

 

“It’s alright. Don’t say anything. Look, I need a few things.” He had to make sure that things went right. His mind was starting to process all the things he could change, all the ways he could fix his mistakes from the first time around, but also figuring out which events he didn’t want to change. Yinsen living was a far better outcome than the first time, but he had to play things right from here. “I need you to get my friend to the hospital and I need you to call for a press conference.”

 

She opened her mouth in shock. “A press conference? Tony, I- you need to go to the hospital too! You can’t just-”

 

“I can and I will.”

 

They made it to where Happy was standing next to his car. “Welcome back, boss,” he said and he opened the door for him.

 

Regret filled Tony almost instantly upon seeing Happy. He hadn’t treated his friend well at all until later on. At this point, they could barely even be considered friends. Tony from the past the first time around had no idea how important Happy would be to him.

 

“Thank’s Hap. Missed you.”

 

Happy gave him a strange look before replying, “Yeah, me too.”

 

Small steps. If he had to go through hell a second time, he might as well make things right.

 

\---

 

Tony was working on multiple things at once. In a way, splitting his consciousness like this was the only thing keeping him from shattering. If he was left to more emotional thoughts for too long, he thought he would shatter.

 

The first order of business was tracking down Obadiah. He’d had JARVIS (who he hadn’t realized he’d missed) keep him updated on any activities that his former mentor was doing. Once that was temporarily handled, he started on the new element and improved arc reactor. Yeah, he could do without going through all of the poison shit from the first time. After that was taken care of, he worked on getting some suits built.

 

He went for the more practical ones, concepts that had worked well. He remade a version of the Mark 42 armor and decided to use that one for the time being, but was attempting to remake a Mark 50 as well. The technology from 2010 was just barely too old for him to do it successfully, though. He would have to reinvent far too many things and he didn’t have the time.

 

The next thing on his list was destroying his weapons, but first he needed to talk to Pepper. It had been a few days since the press conference, that had gone roughly the same (although he didn’t laugh about the claims that he had PTSD this time), and she had given him some distance during that time. He couldn’t avoid her anymore, though. He had to talk to her. He was going to drive himself insane if nobody knew he was from the future, and the person he trusted most with that information that he could currently talk to was Pepper.

 

He found her sitting on the couch on the phone with someone but Tony couldn’t tell who. She looked surprised when she saw Tony walk in and she hurriedly concluded her conversation. “Do you need anything, Mr. Stark?” she asked.

 

“Uh, actually, I want to talk to you. If that’s alright,” he added.

 

“Oh, about what?”

 

“I…” Tony sat down near her, but not too close. How was he even supposed to phrase this? He didn’t even fully understand what had happened. Who would believe him, either? Pepper would probably think he was delusional. He had to try, though. “Pepper, I’m working on something. That whole… thing at the press conference, shutting down the weapons manufacturing, I know what I’m doing. I know it doesn’t seem like I am, probably most of the time, but you have to trust me on this.”

 

She sighed. “I would trust me a lot more if you told me what you were doing before you did it.”

 

“That’s what I’m doing right now. Pep… I made something. It’s the thing that saved me from that cave.”

 

“What, the arc reactor?” she asked skeptically.

 

Tony shook his head. “I mean, I did make that, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I made a suit.”

 

“A what?”

 

“A suit. A metal suit, one of the most advanced pieces of technology in the world.”

 

Pepper shook her head. “I… what?”

 

“It can fly. It’s got blasters. It’s not indestructible but it’s far stronger than a lot of things. I even put JARVIS in it. Well, the improved version I made here, not the one in the cave.”

 

“Improved version?”

 

Tony nodded. “Do you want to see?”

 

She seemed to not know what to say and Tony didn’t blame her. He hadn’t even gotten to the future stuff yet and she was already reacting like this, though, and Tony was worried about how the rest of the conversation was going to go.

 

“Come on,” he said, and he stood up. He grabbed her hand and helped her to her feet before leading her down into his lab. He debated about whether or not what he was doing was a good idea, but he kept going.

 

She stopped walking when she saw the suit. Her eyes went wide with amazement. “Tony, what is this?”

 

“It’s the future. Uh, my future, I guess.”

 

“I-”

 

“Pepper, Obadiah has been selling my weapons behind my back. I’m going to use that,” he pointed at the suit, “to track the weapons down and destroy them.”

 

If it was possible for Pepper to look even more shocked, she did. “You’re going to… wait, Tony, you’re not going back to Afghanistan, are you? What even- how do you even know this?! Are you sure we’re thinking of the same Obadiah?!”

 

Tony sighed and rested his forehead in his hand. His hand, which was not yet marked up with scars from cuts and burns and bruises that didn’t heal right. “Pepper, I need you to trust me because what I’m about to say is going to sound crazy.” And it would, he knew that for certain.

 

Their eyes met and Pepper held his gaze for several seconds, her expression shifting to one that Tony would almost call sympathy. “Okay. I trust you.”

 

He exhaled slowly. Where did he even start? How did he even start it? “Pep, the world is about to change in ways that you could never imagine. There will be things, events, occurrences that will change reality. Nothing will be the same a few years from now.”

 

“What… what do you mean? How will it change?”

 

“Uh…” He thought for a moment. “You know Captain America?”

 

She sighed. “Of course I know him, he’s in every history book in existence.”

 

“Well, what if I told you that he wasn’t just history. I mean, what if I said that he’s not dead, he’s just lost?”

 

Pepper stared at him for a few agonizing seconds and then sighed, her shoulders falling. “Tony, even if that was true, how would you know?”

 

“Because…” Now or never, Tony. “Okay, this is going to sound insane, but I’ve been through all of this before. Somehow… somehow I fell backwards a good 8 years or so in time.”

 

There was silence. Tony could swear that he could hear both of their heartbeats, Pepper’s real one and his synthetic. Counting out the moments as Pepper registered what he’d said and decided whether or not she was going to believe him.

 

She shook her head. “I, what... I don’t even know what to say right now…”  


 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”

 

“How can you be from the future, that’s insane!”

 

“I know.”

 

“Tony, this isn’t possible.”

 

“I know, but it happened. And I’m here, back in 2010, and I don’t know what to do.”

 

Pepper’s hands were holding the sides of her head. “This… this is crazy! I never, ever… how can this be possible-”  


 

“Please calm down, you’re freaking me out.”

 

“Freaking you out!?” Pepper looked like she was trying to keep her mind from exploding. “First shutting down the company, then-”

 

“Hey, I didn’t shut the company down. I put it on hold for a little bit,” he corrected.

 

“Whatever it is you did… Tony, you understand why this sounds insane, right?”

 

He walked over to his work table and started moving things around, giving himself something to do while he talked. “I know, I know. I just came back from months of torture and isolation and people are diagnosing me with PTSD and shit, I know. And trust me, while I probably still do have PTSD, it wasn’t from Afghanistan.”

 

Pepper seemed to be slightly calmer now, but still disbelieving. “I want to trust you. I really do. But do you know how insane that sounds? You being from the future?”

 

“Honey, I know. It’s crazy and it doesn’t make sense but in the next few years so many things won’t make sense that this will probably seem normal.” Pepper was giving him a weird look now and he wasn’t sure if he’d said something wrong, but he kept going. “There are going to be gods falling out of the sky. Alien attacks. Hell, I just learned that wizards exist. I know it’s insane. None of it makes sense and it probably never will again. But please,” he could feel tears forming. God, he really was broken, wasn’t he? “I need you to trust me. Even if you don’t believe me, please trust that I know what I’m doing. I need you, Pepper.”

 

There was more drawn out silence. Tony turned back to his work table and started messing with more stuff but Pepper put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face her. Almost too quietly for Tony to hear, she said, “I believe you.”

 

“You do?” he asked.

 

She smiled, but her eyes seemed sad. “I wasn’t going to, but… Tony, I have a question, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but… were you and I… together, in the future?”

 

Tony sighed and nodded. “How did you know?”

 

“You called me ‘honey’. Also you’ve never looked at me like this before now.”

 

With that, she stood up and started heading back upstairs. Before leaving, she turned to face him again. “Whatever you’re doing, I trust you, and I’ll help you, but I need a moment to… let this all sink in, okay?”

 

“Okay. Thank you, Pepper.”

 

\---

 

Tony and Pepper had a few more conversations about his situation. Tony didn’t reveal much about the future but he did tell her about Obadiah and how that whole mess went down the first time. While Pepper was keeping tabs on Obi, Tony was once again destroying his weapons. He did some quick math and realized that Wanda and Pietro Maximoff’s parents would already be dead at this point in time, and he wished he could have realized what Obi was doing sooner.

 

Well, he’d just have to work a little harder to fix that one. “Jarvis, make a file of all information related to Wanda and Pietro Maximoff.” He would have to focus on that at some point, but right now there were other things to be concerned about.

 

Tony grabbed a piece of paper and started making a list. In no particular order, he tried to list all of the things that had to happen and all of the things he needed to change. It was… a long list, but the one at the top that he had circled, highlighted, and traced over with black sharpie was “Peter Parker does not become Spider-Man”. He had thought long and hard before putting it down, but he came to the conclusion that Peter’s life being normal was probably for the best. He would be able to focus on normal teen stuff and wouldn’t get hurt all the time.

 

Tony put his pen down and sighed. He couldn’t screw things up this time.

 

He almost didn’t hear the door open. Pepper walked in bringing a plate with scrambled eggs on it.

 

“Pep, you don’t have to do that anymore,” he said. He had talked to her about being the CEO of Stark Industries, but they decided that they should probably wait until everything calmed down a bit. So for now, Tony was still paying her to be his assistant, but he told her multiple times that she didn’t have to act like his assistant.

 

“You’ve barely eaten enough food to last a week and you’ve been back for a month. Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” she said, and she set down the plate. Tony could see her eyes gazing at his list and he quickly pushed it out of the way.

 

“No spoilers. You gotta find out the future the normal way.”

 

She laughed. “I thought you said that there’s no such thing as normal anymore.”

 

He tried to smile, but his face didn’t want to make that expression anymore. Smiles were something that he had left far behind him even before the whole going back in time thing.

 

Pepper sat down next to him. She looked like she wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. “You… you lost someone, didn’t you? Before all of this?” she finally asked.

 

Tony looked down and suddenly he could hear Peter calling his name, feel him clinging to him as he tried to keep himself from dying, see the dust that swirled around him afterwards. He closed his eyes and nodded because yeah, he’d lost someone. And even that, saying that he lost someone, didn’t cover it. Peter was too important for that phrase. That phrase even slightly applying to Peter Parker was just wrong. That kid was too bright, too optimistic, too pure and innocent and good to have been lost. To have been taken away. He hadn’t just lost anyone, he’d lost Peter. “How did you know?” he asked and he could hear the tears building up in his voice.

 

“I’ve been talking to Yinsen, seeing how he’s doing. He’s going back to Gulmira, actually. But I asked him if there was anyone else there that you had become friends with, and he said no. So I knew you couldn’t have lost someone there.”

 

“Okay, but that still doesn’t explain how you knew that I lost someone at all.”

 

“Your eyes,” was the explanation she gave. He didn’t ask her for clarification. “I… I know you don’t want me knowing about future things, but…”

 

She wanted to know who it was. “You don’t know him yet. Maybe you won’t even know him this time around, I have no idea. His name is Peter.”

 

“Peter,” she echoed back. “You know, Tony… he’s alive right now. We could find him, you could have him back. Whoever he is, he seems important to you.”

 

He almost laughed at that because she had no idea. “Not just to me. That kid was so important, you don’t even know.”

 

“Kid?”

 

Tony could feel the pain consuming him. “He… he was only sixteen.”

 

“Only…” Pepper’s voice faded and her eyes widened in shock. “Tony… do you have a… a son?”

 

He shook his head, but stopped quickly as he thought about it. Peter had basically been like his son, he realized, and he had no idea how Peter felt about him but Tony knew that was the only way he could describe his relationship with Peter. “Not biologically. But he might as well have been.” He sighed and he could feel his eyes stinging.

 

“Who was he?”

 

“A kid. From Queens. A goddamn genius, he was the only person I’d ever met who was able to keep up with me in the lab, and he was fifteen when I met him. He…” Tony wasn’t sure if he should tell Pepper about Peter being Spider-Man or not, but he decided not to. “He was an intern at Stark Industries but he was far too smart for that so he kinda became my personal lab assistant. There were only like five people in existence who had access to my lab and he was the only kid.”

 

“You really cared about him, didn’t you?” Pepper asked in a soft voice. Tony nodded. “He sounds like a great kid.” Tony nodded again, and then the tears started flowing.

 

It was like a dam had broken. Everything that he had forced back, everything that he had held inside, pushing down so that he could focus on what he had to do, it was all coming out.

 

_ Peter. Peter died because of me. Strange gave up the stone to save my life and caused the deaths of everyone else in the process. I left Pepper on Earth and I didn’t even really get to say goodbye. _

 

All of his failures flashed through his mind. Everything that he had done since Afghanistan- the first time, he meant- it was all flashing through his mind. It was like his brain was screaming at him,  _ remember this? All the people you’ve hurt? All the lives that have been lost? _

 

He laughed humorlessly, quietly, and he almost hoped that Pepper didn’t notice. She did, and he could see her eyes narrow. “You know, I don’t even have anything left from him. And it’s the dumbest thing to be upset about, because he’s alive now, you know? But… his homework was always sitting on my lab table every time he came over. If things hadn’t been reset, if time hadn’t reversed, his homework would still be sitting there. Is it weird that I wish I had it with me?”

 

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think it is.”

 

He managed a half smile, relieved that she didn’t think he was insane. “Thank you.”

 

Pepper turned and left.

  
\---

 

You know who sucked? Obadiah.

 

Tony might have once called him a father figure, but that had never been true. He had really just been in pain after losing Jarvis, and Obadiah was an older person who had always been in his life. He had attempted to convince himself that he loved Obadiah, and that Obi loved him, but the reality was that he was just like Howard.

 

He knew this. So why did it still hurt when he thought of Obadiah’s betrayal?

 

It was easy to stick him in jail. Tony knew where all the evidence was, so it wasn’t hard to compile it. He got an official investigation started and just like that it should have been over.

 

But there was still the issue of his weapons. He needed to get Rhodey on board with him first, though.

 

“Hey, man,” Tony said into the ancient phone, feeling stupid. “Do you mind coming by to my place?”

 

“Yeah? What’s up, Tony?” he asked. “I’m a little busy, but-”

 

“It’s important. I need your help with something.”

 

There was a pause. “Is this about Obadiah?” Everyone knew about Obadiah.

 

“Partially.” It was the truth, in a way.

 

Rhodey agreed, and a few hours later, Tony was leading him down to his lab.

 

“Alright, Tones, what’s this all about?”

 

He stepped onto the plate on the floor that activated the mechanical arms that spiraled around him, attaching the plates of armor to him. Rhodey’s eyes widened in amazement. He opened his mouth to say something, but Tony cut him off. “It’s a suit of armor. Well, it’s a lot more than that, but I’m going to use it. I’m going to destroy my weapons.”

 

He could see Rhodey’s jaw hit the floor. “You’re going to do  _ what?  _ Tony, you can’t just…”

 

“I can and I will. JARVIS, pull up the file on Wanda and Pietro Maximoff.”

 

Images of the two children appeared. The quality was terrible, but you could tell how young they were. Articles that had been translated to English about a destroyed apartment building, school records not going past the equivalent of fourth grade, and a “missing” report.

 

“Who are they?” Rhodey asked.

 

“Kids. Twins. Their parents died a few years ago. They were ten.”

 

Rhodey shook his head. “What happened?”

 

“Blown up by one of my weapons. The kids should have died too, but the bomb that landed next to them never went off.” He paused, fighting back tears. He thought of them huddling together, holding onto each other in fear, crying for their parents, and how it could have been prevented if Tony had never made weapons. “Rhodey, their lives have been changed forever because of my weapons. Families are being torn apart, innocent people are being hurt, children are dying and being orphaned, and our enemies have my weapons. I have to put an end to it so that nobody else has to go through what Wanda and Pietro did.”

 

Rhodey sighed. Tony could see him trying to run it through his mind, figure out what the best course of action was. “Okay… why did you need me, then? It seems like you already have a plan…”

 

Tony opened a file he titled “War Machine”. He showed Rhodey the holographic images of the plans. “That’s for you, if you want it, and if you can help me out with this first. I need you to keep the skies clear, convince the government to let me handle my business. I can’t let them know that I’m the one doing this until later, or things won’t go right.”

 

“Tony, you know this is crazy, right?”

 

He shrugged. “You’ve known me for how long? Shouldn’t you expect crazy by this point?”

 

Rhodey snorted. He pointed to the War Machine plans. “You’re actually making that for me?”

 

“Sure. Gotta have a sidekick, come on, haven’t you ever read a comic before?” Tony teased.

 

Rhodey rolled his eyes.

  
\---

 

Tony had very little difficulty destroying his weapons. He was far past making rookie mistakes and the mission was a very simple one. Seeing as the last time he’d been on a mission he had been up against the most powerful being in the universe, this barely felt like a chore. Rhodey had also helped out, making Tony’s life a lot easier by keeping jets off of him.

 

It felt too easy. There was no way things could be this easy. Sure, he was from the future and that gave him a massive advantage, but things were never easy for Tony Stark.

 

He was also forgetting something. He knew he was. He couldn’t figure it out.

 

“I’m sure that whatever it is, you will have no problem dealing with it when you remember,” Yinsen told him. He was helping his friend pack to head out of the country and back to his home.

 

“Yeah, but are you sure you can’t think of anything that we might have forgot about?” Tony asked.

 

“Nothing comes to mind.” Yinsen smiled. “But you have an anxiety disorder, Stark. Don’t you feel this way all the time?”

 

Tony sighed. “Yeah, I guess, but this is different.” He looked up at his friend, who looked much younger after healing up and living in the lavish conditions that had been provided for him in the past several weeks. “Are you sure you want to go back?” he asked.

 

“Yes. If you can stay here and fix your mistakes, do good in the world, then I can go back there and save the people who are left. I have many friends I have not seen in a long time.”

 

Yinsen offered to shake his hand as he stood from bending over his suitcase, and Tony took it. “I’m glad you made it out, Yinsen. Keep in touch, okay?”

 

“Of course. Although, you’ll have to forgive me if it takes me a while to respond to emails, the internet over there can be very slow at times,” he joked.

 

“I’ll put that on my list of things to check out, find a way to fix that,” Tony said in a serious tone, and Yinsen smiled. Tony was going to miss him.

 

That’s when he got a text from Rhodey and he realized just what he had forgotten.

 

He could feel the anxiety attack coming, and he forced it down, beating it into the ground with a stick. He had to focus.

 

“What’s the matter?” Yinsen asked.

 

Tony shook his head. “I know what we forgot.”

 

“And?”

 

“It was the plans for the suit. We left them in the cave. They figured out how to read them.”

  
\---

 

The person in the replica Mark I suit was attacking Stark Industries, just like Obadiah had last time. Tony almost laughed at the coincidence that they would have the same idea. But then he wondered if one of them had got the idea from the other somehow. It wasn’t an absurd concept, seeing as Obadiah had apparently been pals with the guys over at the Ten Rings.

 

He showed up in his suit and prepared to take down Iron Monger 2.0 when he realized that the world didn’t know about Iron Man. He would have to be conscious of the fact that there would probably be people who would assume he was the bad guy. Either way, he would probably have to do a press conference after this, and he could reveal himself again, and this would no longer be a problem. Piece of cake, he would be seen as the world’s first superhero since the 40s, everyone would love him. But for now, nobody knew who Iron Man was.

 

He landed in front of the Iron Monger. “Hey, I’m pretty sure that’s mine!” he shouted, and he had to fight back a grin under his mask. He had picked up things like that from the one and only Peter Parker, and it made fights more interesting.

 

Without the concern of running out of power or not being powerful enough, Tony was more relaxed than he had been the first time, but that all faded when he received a call from Rhodey. “I’m in the middle of something!” he shouted as he answered.

 

“Yeah, and guess who’s caught in it too!”  
  


Tony was confused. “What?”

 

“I’m inside Stark Industries! You’re blowing everything up and I can’t escape!”

 

Shit.  _ Shit. _ Tony flew towards the building. “Okay, stay where you are!”

 

“Not like I have much of a choice!”

 

“FRI- uh, JARVIS, give me a scan of the building. Is anyone but Rhodey trapped?”  
  


He dodged a punch as JARVIS answered. “I estimate 57 trapped, at least 9 of those injured.”

 

Terror flooding him as a blast missed him and almost took out a family trapped in a car, Tony shouted, “Rhodey, try to find a way out, but don’t put yourself in more danger. If you can, look for anyone who’s been trapped or hurt.”  
  


He turned sharply and the Iron Monger crashed into the side of the building. Tony followed, cursing. Towards civilians was exactly where Tony hadn’t wanted this fight to go. He turned around to see, of course, Rhodey, who was frozen in fear.

 

“Get out of here!” Tony shouted. Rhodey shook his head and Tony realized that there was nowhere for him to go. He hadn’t been lying when he said he was trapped. Tony tackled the Iron Monger and grabbed at some exposed wires, tearing them out.

 

Tony was knocked across the room. While he was taking a moment to force down the pain (the Tony from 2010 was nowhere near as used to physical injuries as the Tony from 2018 was, and it was noticeable. His body protested every movement.) he saw a figure jump at the Iron Monger. His eyes focused and he realized it was Rhodey holding a broken metal pipe or pole. “Rhodes, no!” Tony called as his best friend was tossed to the ground.

 

He couldn’t breathe. A flash of Rhodey spiraling to the ground entered his mind.

 

Fortunately, Tony had been given enough time to get up, and he blasted the Iron Monger, with full power. His timing was perfect, killing whoever had been inside almost instantly, but Rhodey had been too close to the suit when it collapsed and he was crushed.

 

His friend let out a strangled cry for help. Rhodey, a Lieutenant Colonel, soon to be War Machine, Avenger, and overall badass had been unable to hold back a shout. That’s how Tony knew it was bad. Rhodey was tougher than pretty much anyone he knew. He rushed forward and tugged the suit off of him, wincing when he saw the cuts over his friend’s back.

 

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Tony said as he popped open his suit and pulled his friend onto his lap. “JARVIS, get me emergency medical now!”

 

“Sir, I must warn you that the building is about to collapse, and there are still almost 60 people inside.”

 

Shit. That.

 

Rhodey, who was fortunately still conscious, looked up at Tony. “Go. Get them out,” he wheezed, his breath short and punctuated.

 

Tony wanted to protest. He really did. He knew that he wasn’t about to leave Rhodey where he was, but he had to save the others. He gently lifted Rhodey and flew him out of the hole in the side of the building. “Next time, wait to get involved until after I give you a suit, okay?” Tony said, exasperated. Rhodey just smiled weakly. “Stay awake, okay?”

 

“I’ve been through a lot worse than this, you know.”

 

And Tony knew that was true, but seeing his best friend injured was still not what he would describe as a relaxing, stress-free experience.

 

“Sir, the building-”

 

“Yeah, I got it JARVIS!” Tony took off again, rushing inside. “Give me an x-ray of the building, highlight the best path to get everyone out."

 

JARVIS did as Tony had asked, and he got to work. His heart felt like it was about to explode, and it was worsened by the fact that there was once again a giant magnet in his chest limiting the functions of a few of his most vital organs. No big deal.

 

It was all a blur. An adrenaline-fueled fever dream that seemed to go on forever. He had no idea what was happening until JARVIS informed him that the building had been cleared. Letting out a sigh of relief, he went to find Rhodey, only for the walls to crumble around him a moment later. If he hadn’t been in his suit, he would have been crushed to death.

 

But life doesn’t let Tony escape that easily.

  
\---

 

Pepper was waiting for him to wake up. When he did, she smiled, but her face was covered in tears.

 

“Better get used to things like this now,” Tony told her, wincing at how much his voice cracked.

 

She sighed, still smiling. “You better not do anything like that ever again.”

 

“Not like I have much of a choice. How’s Rhodey?”

 

She gestured away from Tony’s bed, and it hit him that he was in the hospital. “He’s just down the hall. He’ll be okay, he was actually awake about an hour ago. Several broken ribs, just like you, and a minor concussion.”

 

Tony calmed down after hearing that. To some people, that would have been a terrible injury, but Tony was used to hearing about far worse. He made a mental note to add “find way to stop Rhodey’s paralysis” to his list of things to do.

 

“Are you alright?” Pepper asked.

 

Tony sat up. “Never been better. Now, I’m assuming that people are waiting on me to do a press conference, right?”

 

“You don’t have to handle that until you’re recovered,” she said, but Tony shook his head.

 

“No, I’m ready now. And make sure the cameras are rolling, they’ll be showing this press conference in schools years in the future.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “So this happened the first time?”

 

He nodded.

 

“Well, I trust you Tony. Go out there, say what needs to be said, and if it turns out to be as big of a mess as the last press conference-”

 

“Oh trust me, it will be.”

 

She laughed. “Then we’ll deal with that later, okay?”

 

Tony caught her hand as she turned to leave. He debated about whether or not he should kiss her, but decided against it. “...Thank you, Pepper.”

 

Her eyes met his and she held his gaze for a moment. “Will that be all, Mr. Stark?”

 

Why was hearing that painful?

 

“That will be all, Ms. Potts." He paused, then added, "Thank you."

 

\---

 

“‘I am Iron Man’. You think you’re the only superhero in the world?”

 

Tony cut him off. “Well, considering that you’re keeping tabs on ‘The Incredible Hulk’, I’d think not. Also, my dad helped make Steve Rogers.”

 

Nick Fury glared at him. “Mr. Stark, do you know who I am?”

 

Tony shrugged. “I have a few guesses. Why don’t you tell me? If you give me a moment, we can talk about it over some drinks.”

 

Just about the only good thing about his time travel experience was that he now had the ability to mess with Nick Fury.

 

It was fun, he decided.


	2. Horrors no Child Should See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was going to meet Iron Man if it was the last thing he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> A couple of things: assume that nine times out of ten, where it says "he" it's referring to Peter. He will have his name situation figured out soon I promise so hopefully that wasn't too confusing to keep track of!  
> This chapter is heavy on the deadnaming/misgendering stuff. I am trans myself (and had a lot of trouble writing this) so I tried to capture Peter's frustration and discomfort (as well as Tony's) as best I could but I'm not perfect! Please let me know how I did, also, if deadnaming/misgendering is something that upsets you a lot then you probably shouldn't read this!  
> Oh, and I made Peter's deadname Phoebe.

He didn’t have a name.

 

Well, he did, but he hated it.

 

Phoebe was a girl’s name, and all he knew was that he wasn’t a girl.

 

When he had tried to express this to his parents, they told him that it didn’t matter that he liked boys toys more or that all his friends were boys, and they said that he could still be a girl. They didn’t get it, though. He wasn’t a girl. He was never a girl.

 

So he took scissors and cut his hair off.

 

Yeah, he got in trouble, but it wasn’t like his parents could magically grow his hair back. They eventually calmed down and let him buy some of the clothes he actually wanted instead of pink dresses and princess t-shirts, but they still called him Phoebe and still insisted he was a girl. They weren’t being mean about it either, but he just didn’t feel right when he was called “her” and “Phoebe”.

 

He knew a few things about himself.

 

First, he was nine years old. Everyone around him either treated him like he was much older or much younger than that, and it annoyed him. Second, he loved science. It was his favorite class. He wanted to be just like his parents when he grew up. He knew that they did science but they never told him exactly what they were working on. Third, he loved to read. He was working on reading Harry Potter and his favorite character was Neville. Fourth, his favorite superhero was Iron Man. Sure, he was everyone’s favorite superhero, but he was pretty sure he was Iron Man’s biggest fan. And finally, he was upset because the Stark Expo, his opportunity to meet his idol, had been cancelled.

 

He was watching the news when the announcement was made that they weren’t doing it. Mom and Dad said that it was okay since they weren’t making anyone pay for it, but he was disappointed. He had worked hard on making a replica Iron Man helmet, and had a glove with an LED light in it that actually lit up too. But now he wouldn’t get to show it off to Tony Stark.

 

Well, that was until New York had been attacked.

 

Everyone knew that Hammer Industries had been working on something to try to mess up Stark Industries, and that Iron Man had stopped it. Everyone in Peter’s class had been talking about it. But suddenly, this other guy showed up with a ton of drones that were headed towards New York.

 

If he was being honest, he was excited. Iron Man had ended up coming to New York anyway, and if he ran outside, then maybe he would see Iron Man and be able to show off what he had made. So that’s the reason why he sneaked out late at night while the city was being attacked.

 

There were screams all around, and there were fires burning in most of the buildings he passed, casting an orange glow on the streets.  He couldn’t see well out of the helmet, but he knew that things looked strange like this. People were running past him and he almost fell over twice. He looked up and saw Iron Man and smiled, which was interrupted when he started coughing, and then he noticed a second flying figure. It wasn’t one of the drones, it was too big. No, that must be War Machine, he realized. There had been stories about the War Machine. Apparently, Iron Man’s best friend also had an Iron Man suit, but he wasn’t doing anything with it yet. They called him War Machine, but was War Machine a superhero if he had never done anything like Iron Man did?

 

“PHOEBE!” He heard his mother’s voice coming from down the street. He wasn’t going to answer, though. He might not know what his name was, but it wasn’t Phoebe. Besides, he was going to see Iron Man.

 

He darted around the corner.

 

It was during stuff like this that he really hated having asthma. The smoke wasn’t good for his lungs, and he had been running. But he wasn’t going to let an asthma attack stop him, so he st opped, leaned against the wall, and let himself slide down into a sitting position. He sat up tall and took deep breaths, trying not to panic. He wasn’t a little kid, he was a big boy. He wasn’t going to panic. He wasn’t going to have an asthma attack.

 

He closed his eyes, blocking out the world to focus on calming down, when he heard an explosion.

 

Instantly he was on his feet, glad that his breathing was better. He did the natural thing and sprinted away from where the sound had been. It was only then that he realized that he was in danger, and that searching for Iron Man had been a bad idea.

 

He didn’t want to be here. He should have stayed with Mom and Dad, he should have stayed inside, he shouldn’t have run outside just because he wanted to see Iron Man. He wanted to go home. He wanted to go home.

 

“I’m- I’m a big kid…” he told himself, nearly whispering, but it didn’t matter since nobody else was around. They had all run away. He knew he was crying but he didn’t want to stop. He was scared. He squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could, hoping that it would all go away.

 

He barely noticed the sound of metal behind him.

 

“Hey, kid?”

 

He knew that voice. He had heard it on TV so many times, and he had wanted to hear it in person for as long as he could remember. Sure, Iron Man had technically only existed for 6 months, but that was a long time! He let himself open his eyes just a little, and when he looked up, he saw that his dream had come true.

 

Iron Man was standing in front of him, his face plate open but the rest of the suit on. When he saw him look in his direction, Iron Man smiled. “Are you Phoebe?”

 

He didn’t say anything. He hadn’t even stopped crying. He was glad that he was still wearing his own helmet. It didn’t even register that Iron Man knew his name.

 

“Hey, kid, your parents are looking for you. Why don’t you come with me? Uh, oh, and you’ll need to take your helmet off,” Iron Man instructed.

 

“Why?” was all he said in response.

 

The smile faltered a little. “To what part?”

 

“Why do I have to take my helmet off? Do- do you not like it?”

 

Now the smile was completely gone. The rest of the Iron Man helmet shrunk back into the rest of the suit. “No, no, that’s not it at all. I think it’s really neat. Did you make it yourself?”

 

He nodded.

 

“Can I look at it? It’s really impressive.”

 

He hesitated. He didn’t want to take it off, but Iron Man was impressed. Hesitantly, he lifted it from his head and handed it over. Iron Man laughed, and he wondered if it meant that he was relieved. He turned it over in his hands as if he was inspecting it from every angle. “Can I have it back?” he asked after letting Iron Man look for a few moments.

 

Finally, Iron Man looked at him, and his expression shifted entirely. His mouth opened in shock, as if he was just noticing the kid for the first time.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

He was confused. What was happening? Had he said the wrong thing?

 

The next thing he knew, the Iron Man suit opened and Iron Man- well, Tony Stark, he supposed, stepped out. Mr. Stark reached towards him, but seemed to notice what he did and quickly pulled his hand back.

 

He had no idea what was going on.

 

“Kid?”

  
\---

 

“How could I have forgotten about Vanko?!”

 

“I don’t know, Tony, but can we have this conversation when we’re not fighting murder bots?!” Rhodey shouted through the intercom.

 

Tony was mad at himself. He couldn’t afford to forget about things like this. It didn’t matter that he had cancelled the Expo, or that he had stopped Justin Hammer. Ivan Vanko had been left out there, and he wanted revenge on Tony just like last time.

 

So there he was, in New York, taking Rhodey on his first mission.

 

“How are you holding up?” Tony asked.

 

“Fine, just fine. Could you make these things harder to fly?”

 

He bit back a sarcastic comment. “You did the training, didn’t you?”

 

“You and I both know that training is very different from actually fighting.”

 

Tony had several bots on his trail, and he swerved to lead them right into the side of an already evacuated building. When they crashed, they lit on fire. Boy, this was going to be fun to clean up. At least it wasn’t the Battle of New York.

 

“Sir, Agent Coulson is on the line,” JARVIS said.

 

Sure, he wasn’t really being babysat this time, since he wasn’t actively destroying his life, putting people in danger because of his recklessness, and dying of poisoning from his arc reactor, but Agent Coulson had still been assigned to keep an eye on him and give Fury an additional report on Tony’s character and determine if he qualified for the Avengers Initiative or not, since apparently having Natasha watching him wasn’t enough. He had to admit, he almost cried when he saw Coulson for the first time. It was another reminder of all the ways he had failed the first time.

 

He looked down and saw a group of distressed civilians that had been trapped by fire and debris. Where was this, Queens? “Hey, Rhodey, I have some people that I’m going to help out. Will you be alright without me for a mo’?”

 

He heard the sigh on the other end. “Everything’s always left for me to take care of. Rhodey, keep the air forces off my ass! Rhodey, learn to fly my back-up suit! Rhodey, destroy the murder bots while Tony goes on a side quest!” Then louder, more directed towards Tony, he added, “Yeah, I’ve got it. You helped thin them out a lot, I should be able to get the others.”

 

“Thanks, bud.”

 

He landed softly- or as softly as you can in a suit made from a gold-titanium alloy- and approached the group.

 

“Everyone okay?” he shouted, and he got a chorus of “yeah”s and some nods. There was a man and a woman, presumably a couple, who seemed particularly distressed. “Is everything alright?” he asked them directly, and the woman shook her head. She was crying.

 

“Our daughter,” the man said, pointing to the area behind where Tony was standing. “She ran off.”

 

He nodded to show that he understood. “What’s her name?”

 

“Phoebe. She’s nine.”

 

The name sounded familiar. He tried to remember if he knew a Phoebe. His brain was supplying him with nothing. “I’ll find her.” He raised his voice and addressed everyone. “Get somewhere safe. It doesn’t matter where, just get away from where the fighting is. If you see someone who needs help or is hurt, help them get to safety too.”

 

They nodded enthusiastically. “Thank you,” the man breathed, and Tony left.

 

He didn’t get far before he heard an explosion. It came from the direction of the civilians he had left. He couldn’t turn back now, though, because he had a kid to find.

 

A couple more turns and he saw a small figure standing alone in the dark. He heard sobs. The kid was wearing a replica Iron Man helmet.

 

Tony remembered this kid from the Expo the first time around. There had been a kid who had apparently been convinced that they could stand up to the drones just because they were wearing Iron Man stuff. The drone had targeted the kid because the replica helmet was close enough (and the drone facial recognition bad enough) that it assumed that the kid was Tony. He had landed behind the kid just in time to blast the droid out of existence. If he had gotten there a moment later, the kid would have been toast.

 

He flipped open his face plate again. “Hey, kid?” he called out as he got closer. After a moment, the mask moved up to be facing his direction and he assumed the kid was looking at him. Once he was standing almost right in front of the child, he said, “Are you Phoebe?”

 

There was no response. It was somewhat concerning. Tony didn’t know what to do. He had never been good with kids. Sure, he had managed to not screw up with Peter too bad, but teenagers were very different from 9 year olds.

 

“Hey kid, your parents are looking for you. Why don’t you come with me?” Oh, and he couldn’t forget about getting that helmet off. He did not want the droids coming after the kid again. “Uh, oh, and you’ll need to take the helmet off.”

 

“Why?” the kid said. He was relieved that he got an answer, but he didn’t know what the kid was asking. Maybe it was just because of his own childhood, but Tony initially assumed that the kid was asking why about the going back to parents part. He decided that asking was best.

 

“To what part?”

 

“Why do I have to take my helmet off? Do- do you not like it?”

 

Tony’s heart broke. This kid had probably made the helmet from scratch, maybe even on his own. “No, no, that’s not it at all. I think it’s really neat. Did you make it yourself?”

 

A nod.

 

“Can I look at it? It’s really impressive.”

 

And it was. When it was placed in his hands, he examined it. It was definitely homemade, but the fact that it was built by a nine year old was astonishing. After turning it over a few times and admiring the padding on the inside that would make it comfortable to wear but not too hot, the kid asked to have it back.

 

He looked up to answer the question and froze.

 

The kid had short brown messy curls, made messier by the fact that he had just removed the helmet. There were freckles across the kid’s cheeks and nose. But the thing that really caught Tony was the kid’s eyes.

 

He knew those eyes.

 

He would know them anywhere.

 

They were the eyes that had met his when Tony heard the final words of Peter Parker and watched him turn to dust.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

He knew where he had heard the name Phoebe. He knew that Peter was transgender. He was the one who helped Peter get his name legally cha nged It all clicked at once. The kid standing in front of him was the one he had lost on Titan.

 

He reached out for Peter, wanting nothing more than to hold onto him and never ever let go of him again, but this Peter didn’t know him at all.

 

“Kid?” he asked instead, as if Peter would know what to say in response to that. As if asking that would result in the kid saying “yes, it’s me. I’m here”.

 

Peter gave him an inquiring look. Wait, did the kid even go by Peter yet? What was Tony supposed to do? He didn’t want to influence Peter’s decisions about something as big as this, that was for sure.

 

“Uh… Phoebe-”

 

“My name isn’t Phoebe!”

 

Well that solved that issue. Tony nodded. “I’m sorry. What is your name?”

 

Peter shrugged. “Don’t know yet.”

 

“Well, you have time to decide,” Tony told him, hoping he was doing the right thing. He didn’t know what he was doing at all. He was about to continue, but Peter cut him off before he got the chance.

 

“And I’m not a girl.”

 

Tony gave him a soft smile. “Of course not.”

 

That seemed to finally calm Peter down. “Can I please have my helmet back?” he asked.

 

Tony sighed. “Kid, you know those drones that are attacking?” A nod. “Well, if they see this helmet, they’re going to think it’s me, and they’re going to attack whoever’s wearing it. You made it too good. It’s too close to mine, and while normally that would be amazing, right now it’s dangerous.”

 

Peter nodded again, more slowly, as if he was understanding. “Can… can I have it back after?”

 

“Sure.” There should be no problem with that, Tony decided. “Are you ready to go find your mom and dad?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

Tony stepped back into his suit, but left the helmet down. He led Peter back in the direction that he had come from.

 

The sounds of sirens and screams filled Tony’s ears, and he winced. So much death and destruction, and it was his fault. All because he forgot about Vanko. He smelled smoke, and it made him want to gag. The terrible scent was just another reminder of how much destruction came from him. He looked up and saw Rhodey flying over head, and it calmed him down only slightly.

 

“Come on, kid,” he said as they rounded the final corner before reaching the place where his parents should have been. All of the breath was sucked out of his lungs as his mind struggled to comprehend what he was seeing.

 

Lying on the ground were two figures, covered in blood.

 

Later, Tony would learn that Mary and Richard Parker had not escaped to a safer location with everyone else because they were waiting on Peter’s return.

 

It took longer for Peter to realize what had happened.

 

He saw their bodies. Saw the blood. But he was nine years old. His mind couldn’t accept it.

 

His parents couldn’t be dead.

 

He walked over, almost trance-like. His eyes were glazed over. The poor kid seemed completely broken.

 

Ditching the Iron Man suit once again, Tony walked up to Peter until he was standing next to him. “Kid…”

 

Nothing could have prepared him for the cry that Peter let out. He fell on the ground and reached for his mom, but Tony put a hand on his shoulder. Peter turned around to look at him and Tony could see the pure pain on the kid’s face. “Why aren’t they moving?” he asked in a quiet voice as his whole body shook.

 

“I…” He didn’t know how to do this. The kid had just lost both of his parents. Tony remembered how he had felt when Howard and Maria had died. Just that had been hard enough, but he didn’t have to see their lifeless forms, and he hadn’t been nine years old.

 

Peter shook his head. “Wake them up. Please,” Peter begged him, and Tony realized that the kid once again expected Tony to be able to fix things in some impossible way, just like on Titan.

 

The only thing in Tony’s life that had hurt more than this was when he had lost Peter. “I can’t.”

 

He could see the grief starting to take over. Peter was in shock. He knew enough about the world to understand death, but not like this. Not when it was his parents, right there, and he was scared and alone.

 

Well, not alone. Tony was there. But he wasn’t sure if the kid knew that-

 

His train of thought was cut off short when Peter almost jumped into his arms, clinging to him.

 

Everything went to panic mode instantly. The last and only time someone had clung to him like this was when Peter had died. His brain told him that Peter was dying again and that he had to hold onto him for dear life or that he would be gone. That everything would repeat. The child he had sworn to protect, dead because Tony couldn’t stop it.

 

But Peter stayed solid this time. There was no dust, no ash, no apologies.

 

Tony hugged Peter back.

 

“Shh, shh,” he said as he rubbed Peter’s shoulders. The sobs coming from the kid were creating wet circles on his shirt, but he didn’t care. Peter needed to cry. He had just lost his parents.

 

What was Tony going to do? Obviously Peter ended up with his aunt May the first time, and it only made sense to let him be raised by her again. Besides, where else would Peter go? With Tony? As much as he would like to be able to keep an eye on the kid 24/7, Tony didn’t know how to do that. And he knew how much May and Peter loved and depended on each other, and he wasn’t about to take that away.

 

“Hey, kid? I’m going to take you somewhere and they’re going to call Aunt May, okay?”

 

A nod. “And Uncle Ben?”

 

Right. Tony knew about Peter’s uncle. He had died not very long after Peter had gotten his powers. The kid blamed himself for Ben’s death. But here, when the kid was only nine, Ben was still alive. “Yeah. Is that okay?”

 

There was a long pause of silence, only interrupted by the sound of a battle concluding in the background. “I want Mom and Dad.”

 

How was he supposed to respond to that? “I know, kid. Hey, I know. I know. But we can’t stay here. Look around,” preferably away from the corpses, “there are fires and explosions and crumpled buildings. We can’t stay here.”

 

“Are you coming with me?”

 

That question shocked Tony. Did the kid really trust him that much? Or did he just not want to be alone? “I’m not going anywhere.”

  
\---

 

Things were… weird.

 

He knew that Mom and Dad were gone. He understood it. But his mind didn’t want them to be. He was with Iron Man. It should have been the best day of his life. But it wasn’t.

 

Before he knew what was happening, he was in an office sitting in a hard plastic chair next to Tony Stark without his suit on. There was a lady talking to them with a soft voice, but he didn’t hear her words.

 

Mr. Stark’s hand was placed on his shoulder and he was suddenly back in reality again. “Hey, kid, can you try to answer her questions?”

 

The woman smiled. “Hi, Phoebe, I’m Sydney. Can-”

 

“My name isn’t Phoebe.”

 

She paused for a moment, looking unsure of what to say. “Oh, I… what is your name, then, dear?”

 

He shrugged.

 

Mr. Stark leaned over to him and whispered in his ear. “Look, kid, I know it isn’t fun, but nobody else knows that it’s not your name. Just pretend for a little bit, okay?”

 

He didn’t know what else to do, and he didn’t feel like talking anymore, so he nodded.

 

“Uh… her name is Phoebe, yes,” Mr. Stark said, and if it was possible for him to feel any worse than he did, that’s what caused it.

 

The questions didn’t receive answers. He heard Mr. Stark talking, but he couldn’t distinguish any words. It was all just background noise.

 

Mom and Dad were gone.

 

The next time he was back in reality, Uncle Ben was there.

 

He was picking him up, which he was far too big for, but that didn’t matter. He leaned his head against Uncle Ben’s shoulder. He was tired.

 

“Mr. Stark, we cannot begin to thank you,” a voice said, and he knew it was Aunt May’s. She hadn’t been his aunt for very long, but he liked her. She was nice.

 

“It was no problem. I’m glad I was able to save him.” That was Mr. Stark. “You have my sympathies. If you need anything, money for funeral expenses, help with the kid, anything at all, please let me know.”

 

He felt Ben shake his head. “Thank you, but what you have done already is plenty.”

 

“Then I guess I’ll be going.”

 

He pushed himself off of Uncle Ben’s shoulder and was almost dropped. “No, don’t!”

 

Mr. Stark looked over to him. “Don’t what?”

 

“You said you weren’t going anywhere!”

 

Aunt May came over to where he was and ran her fingers through his hair. “Phoebe, Mr. Stark can’t stay with you. We’re here now. I know you’re scared, but we’ve got you.”

 

“The kid doesn’t like being called Phoebe,” Mr. Stark said. “And as long as it’s alright with you, I can come along for a while. I have nowhere to be right now.”

 

Aunt May and Uncle Ben looked at each other and seemed to come to an agreement. “If you’re sure, Mr. Stark. Please don’t feel like you’re obligated to help us in any way,” Aunt May said.

 

“I know. But the kid seems to like me, so I might as well stick around until I’m sure everything’s okay.” Mr. Stark lowered his voice, but he still heard. “This is going to stick with the kid for a while, anyways. Anyone who saw their parents’ corpses at the age of nine would be traumatized.”

 

He leaned his head back down and closed his eyes.

  
\---

 

The Parkers’ apartment was smaller than the one Tony was used to, and he didn’t even know how that was possible. How could this be enough space for two people, let alone three?

 

They brought Peter into the guest room and tucked him into the bed. Once Tony was alone with May and Ben, they apologized. “I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, I should have asked if you were staying with us tonight,” May said. “I could have put Phoebe on the couch instead.”

 

“You’re perfectly fine. If it’s alright, staying the night would be preferred. I don’t want anyone catching wind of the fact that I’m in this area. The couch will be alright.” And it really was. Tony had slept in less comfortable locations before. “And the kid really doesn’t want to be called Phoebe.”

 

Ben sighed. “We know. She cut her hair off and insisted that she was a boy.”

 

“How long ago was this?” Tony asked.

 

“A few months.”

 

“And the kid’s opinion is still the same?”

 

Both other adults nodded.

 

“Well, maybe it’s time to consider that the kid isn’t lying. He’s actually a boy, like he says. A lot of kids realize that they’re transgender at that age, or even younger sometimes.” Tony knew that they would accept him eventually, with or without his interference, but giving them this push in the right direction might save Peter some time.

 

Ben seemed confused, but May nodded slowly.

 

“Do some research,” Tony said, “And listen to him. Telling him that he’s wrong for feeling how he does will scar him later on. Even if he changes his mind, is there truly any harm in letting him explore this?”

 

There was no answer, but there was a long stretch of silence as they thought about it.

 

Tony looked down at the replica helmet he was still holding. “This really is impressive. The kid isn’t even ten years old and he can make realistic replicas like this with barely any help.”

 

“Yeah, uh… he’s a genius from what I’ve heard.” Tony noted May’s pronoun choice and smiled slightly. “He works several grades above his level but his mom and dad didn’t want him to skip any grades.”

 

“Smart idea. Skipping grades isn’t fun.” Tony knew this from experience.

 

Ben added, “...He’s also really into science and things like that. He memorized the elements because he was bored one day.”

 

Tony grinned. He loved Peter’s mind. The kid was a genius. “I have an idea. I’m putting together a new team of interns at Stark Industries. Now that we’re working in clean energy, I figured that interning there would be a great experience for teenagers. The kid is a little young, but I would love to set up some way of communicating with him to help teach him some things that he would need to know for a future internship. I could secure him a spot for as soon as he’s old enough.”

 

May and Ben exchanged shocked looks. “Are you serious?” Ben asked.

 

“Yeah. So, why don’t you set him up with an email?”

 

The truth was that Tony wanted to get to know Peter better, and keep an eye on him. He didn’t know how else he would be able to. And the kid really was smart. Teaching him more now would help him get even further than he had been the first time.

 

May grabbed a blanket and pillow for Tony, apologizing about the quality. He was already planning ways to remodel their apartment, since they deserved to live in a better place than this. He could blame it on their generosity and not that he felt like redoing their whole home for no reason other than he wanted to. He would make them accept it if it was the last thing he did.

 

The Parker’s “went to bed”, but he could hear them talking through the thin walls. He decided not to eavesdrop. They deserved some privacy. Their entire worlds had been turned upside down. They had lost Peter’s parents, ended up with custody of Peter, and had a billionaire genius lying on their couch.

 

Tony lay down and closed his eyes. He thought about how close he had come to not saving Peter the first time around, and wondered how his life would have been different if Peter had never been there.

 

Actually, no. He didn’t want to think about that.

  
\---

 

He woke up and felt like he was falling out of the sky.

 

When he landed, he hit the floor and started crying. Where was he? Why wasn’t Mom coming in the room to help him?

 

Oh, yeah.

 

Remembering only made him cry harder.

 

Someone opened the door. “Phoe- uh, hey kiddo, are you okay?” It was Aunt May.

 

He shook his head.

 

She took a few steps towards him and gently lifted him off of the floor, placing him in her lap as she sat on the end of the bed. Her fingers absentmindedly combed through his hair. “I know, honey, I know. I’m so sorry.”

 

“Is everything alright?” A voice called, and he heard more footsteps. Uncle Ben appeared in the doorway, and he stopped for a moment before entering the room. Once he sat on the bed next to Aunt May, his spot in the doorway was taken by… Mr. Stark.

 

“You’re still here?” he asked, and he tried to wipe away his tears.

 

The man gave him a soft smile. “I said I wasn’t going anywhere, didn’t I?”

  
\---

 

Tony got a call early in the morning.

 

Well, no. It wasn’t early. But since Peter had woken everyone up in the middle of the night, it felt much earlier than it was.

 

They were all sitting around the table, eating. Tony was having cereal for the first time in his life, and he was convinced that the amount of sugar he was consuming would make him explode. Peter was picking at his waffles, and Tony didn’t blame him for not wanting to eat. The kid had lost his parents the day before. He wouldn’t have much of an appetite. While it was weird to not see Peter consuming several times his body weight in a single meal, he didn’t push him to eat anything.

 

His phone notified him that the call was from Agent Coulson again. He sighed. “I have to take this,” he told the Parkers, and he stepped away from the kitchen before answering. “What’s up?”

 

“Enjoy your stay in New York?” Coulson teased.

 

“Ha ha. Now, do you need something?”

 

“Well, not all of us can take an unplanned vacation and then drop off the face of the planet for a night.” Tony rolled his eyes. “I’m going to New Mexico, so you won’t have to deal with me keeping an eye on you any longer. Fury will be giving you the results of your examination soon.”

 

Shit. New Mexico. This was about Thor. “Yeah, alright. Have fun in New Mexico, Phil. I hope your super secret mission goes well.”

 

The call ended and Tony sighed before heading back to the kitchen. May must have noticed his expression. “Is everything alright?”

 

Tony nodded. He couldn’t explain that the reason why he was upset was that he had been hoping for more time with Peter because that would seem weird. “Yeah, I just have to go. Hero stuff, you know.” It was true. He was going to try to meet up with Thor before he went back to Asgard and hopefully get him on his side early.

 

Peter instantly set down his fork. “You’re leaving?”

 

Tony smiled softly, but seeing the kid’s expression broke him a little. “I’m sorry, kid. It won’t be for long, though. If you want me to come visit when it’s over, I can.”

 

Peter nodded.

 

“Mr. Stark, you don’t have to come back. She- uh, he’ll be alright,” Ben said.

 

“Alright, well at least try to get him set up with an email account, okay? Uh…” He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled down his “personal” email, if it even counted as that, and handed it to Peter. “Let your aunt and uncle show you how to do this when you’re up for it. Take your time.”

 

Another nod.

 

Tony didn’t know what else to say. What was he supposed to say, anyways? The Parkers were all silent as well. The only sounds were the cars on the streets, the clock on the wall ticking, and the sound of Ben tapping his fingers against his leg.

 

Out of nowhere, Peter burst into tears and jumped up into Tony’s arms.

 

“Woah, hey, kid, are you okay?!” Tony asked, concerned.

 

“I…” He let go of Tony, as if he had realized who he had latched onto, but he was still crying. He moved over to where Ben was sitting and climbed into his lap. May and Ben both looked embarrassed.

 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark-” May started to say.

 

Tony cut her off. “Don’t worry about it. The kid lost his parents, and from what I’ve heard, he’s a big fan of mine. I don’t blame him for getting attached, and honestly, he’s a sweet kid who’s impossible not to like.”

 

She smiled gratefully. “He’s a pretty good kid, isn’t he?”

 

Peter looked down, embarrassed.

 

“Well,” Tony said, picking up his plate and transferring it to the sink. “I cannot thank you enough for your hospitality.”

 

“It was nothing, Mr. Stark,” Ben replied.

 

Peter had managed to stop his tears, but his body was still shaking. “Hey, if you keep an eye on New Mexico before the news channels are forbidden from covering things, you might get to see what I’m up to,” he said, and he winked at Peter. The kid smiled, his eyes still red.

 

Tony knew he was stalling, so he turned and headed for the door. Before he could exit the apartment, he turned around one last time. “I’ll talk to you soon, kid. I’m expecting an email from you.”

 

Peter nodded with more enthusiasm than he’d had the entire time Tony had been with him this time around. He knew that the kid would be okay. He had May looking out for him, and Ben too. Things might be hard for him for a while, but Tony knew that things would work out fine in the end. After all, he had already seen it happen once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter might take a while, so please be patient!  
> You can find me on tumblr at thanosisnotagod.tumblr.com!

**Author's Note:**

> Heya!  
> The rest of the chapters probably won't be this long. I just had a lot I wanted to establish right away.  
> My writing blog is thanosisnotagod.tumblr.com if you want to check it out!


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